My First Post

Here, I will try to write about what inspires me. These days, Sarah and John Lloyd and their love story, though only created in my head, inspire my mind and my hands to action. My heart, included. I feel deeply for these two strangers. They affect my being. I'm writing again.

It's scary. The fact that i'm writing again scares the heck out of me. Writing gives me no choice but to open myself up for stares. And people do. However uninteresting it is, people stay and stare. I'm never comfortable in being vulnerable. I know myself. At first it'll be okay to share my innermost thoughts, my emotions—then i'd start to feel the need to clam up and protect myself again. I have to take control again. But emotions are not meant to be controlled; just handled the right way, but never to be controlled. I've learned this recently from a friend. I read his answers in an interview. I watched his interviews. I learned from him a lot. I learned that how ever much we try sometimes, our emotions—love especially, just snake their way out. They embrace us from behind, when we least expect them. And because of this new learning, I make a resolve to be open to any possibility. I might get hurt in the process, but i'll have to remember that it's inevitable.

I will write about just anything. Another friend taught me not to be afraid to be myself. She said, it's hard to live a life full of pretensions so try not to be someone you are not. So, I will write what I want to write about. And if words fail me, or if my linguistic know-how limits me, then I will have to accept that. I will not pretend to be any good, nor hide behind big but empty words. I will just be myself.

You will find yourself shaking your head as you read my thoughts. You will not agree with my ideas. You will find them boring, and so amateurish. I know you will. That's okay. As i've said, I don't claim to be any good. I just write. But if you find yourself wondering about that tiny twitch there in the region where your heart is—go ahead. Pay attention to that tiny flutter. It might just be your heart talking to me. I will try to talk to you heart to heart. My head will remind me to stop. But I promise to try and stay and talk to you through my written words.


my other self: see, the first post is just more on mumbling.