1.3. Lloydie's Journal

Whew! It’s been a tiring week! We still have a few shots to finish and hopefully we’re done by next week. It’s been an exciting experience, acting with a great actress like Ate V. Also, with Luis around, it’s a good fun. And I’ve never been this happy. I thought this happiness was just an illusion on some people’s mind. But it’s true. This happiness is real.

She brings me this kind of happiness. Sarah inspires me to be a better man, at the same time to have fun being myself. Since I got to know her, my life indeed has changed. Haha --that has just made me laugh. I sound very much like Miggy. Yet it’s also true. Sarah has changed how I look at things now. I see everything from her eyes. Sometimes, I even find myself asking “how would Sarah think or feel about this?”. And look at me! I’m even writing about it.

Sarah said “happiness is a choice”. She’s right. We are the ones who can decide to be happy or not. But my happiness is more than a decision. I choose to be happy, yes, but I’m also inspired to be happy. I have peace of mind now. Lz and I are okay. We’re friends again, in a way. It was a good three-year-relationship while it lasted. I must admit, it was my fault. I thought we were okay being okay. But it was not okay, because we were not ok. At first, it was painful. I was still in denial. We were together for a long time after all. I’d been used to her being part of my life. I’m not sure when things started to change. I can’t even remember the last time we were happy, with just the two of us. And I think that had been our problem. We forgot to make each other happy. We took it for granted. And Lz is right. It was my fault. So, I think the only thing I can do now is at least make it up to her as a friend. So, we both can move on.

I’m smiling now as I write this. My friends, even those whom I work with, tell me I smile more now. Well, I just can’t help it. How do I explain it? It’s just there plastered on my face. I don’t also remember when I started smiling even to myself--parang abnoy lang-- haha. All I know is I like the feeling of being inspired and knowing that I’m also a source of someone’s inspiration. For now, this is okay for me. It’s not so complicated yet it’s a great feeling. Though, there are days that it’s not so enough. I miss her. I miss Sarah. More so now, because we’re both busy again. We hardly see each other. We text, we call, we chat—but it’s not the same with talking with her in person --I can look at her eyes. I love looking at Sarah’s eyes. I’m reminded that life is good, that the world is still full of goodness, and that love is real. Akala ko, di na’ko makakaramdam ng ganito.

I find it funny that it seems I’m back to being a high school kid--at my age! Just yesterday, I called Sarah and asked her where she was. She was in a recording studio. I told her, I was in the vicinity so I’d drop by. But the truth was, I was at home, way too far from where she was. But I couldn’t tell her that. She would not feel comfortable about it. I just had to see her. I went and brought her food. I was there for only an hour-- I had to rush for SMB. She was not coming. I was tempted to also stay. *sigh* So, this is how it feels like.

Right now, I’m waiting for the right time. I don’t want to jump into anything right away. I’d like to take my time. I’d like to spend more time with Sarah, but I’d also like to settle some things first so it’s fair to everyone. I’m taking my time now, because I see this thing I have with Sarah as forever. But I’m also wishing that today is the start of forever. Whew! I’m being mushy again. Much like my Greenwich commercial haha. I don't feel well, also tired. I’m gonna sleep now. But I’m still smiling.




B: wahahahaha!! i was doing something this afternoon when i suddenly heard Loydie talking in my head. Aha! I found his journal! i had to stop what i was doing and start listening to his voice. lagot ako! eavesdropping hahaha

Brosia's Thoughts... in serious mode

Lately, I’ve been discovering a new meaning of FRIENDSHIP. To me, it’s just one of those relationships. You try to nurture it. You spend time with your buddies to keep it. You respect and accept your guys so you all stay in the relationship. Yet ever since I’ve been part of this circle of people I met in the ASHLLOYD pex thread, I’ve started to see friendship in a different light. Not totally different, but in a clearer light.

These people are total strangers to me. In most times, I don’t even have an idea where this person is or if she is really from that place. Or if she really is a she or a he for that matter. Yet, I get to know them because we share something in common…we share our love for Sarah and John Lloyd. I heard it said that pain is a good equalizer. That love and music are good common grounds. And these are all true. I also say that trust mutually given, which may not be possible at all times, is a good starting point to build a friendship such as what I now have with my fellow kabaldiks.

I don’t know how it happened. How it started. How it was made possible. That we share secrets with people we only know through posting in pex. Weird as it may sound, but that’s the truth. And I have a theory that it’s because we all learned from one person. “Maniwala na lang tayo sa goodness” Laida Magtalas says. And we believe Sarah herself would say it also. We in ASHLLOYD thread believe in the goodness of a person. Trust in the goodness of a person. Of course, as Miggy Montenegro says we are a work in progress so sometimes we forget, we fail, but at the end of the day Sarah/Laida’s love for goodness keeps us all together. That goodness in Sarah reminds us all why we’re in a friendship. (That same goodness of heart is probably the reason—among others of course-- why she is special to a John Lloyd Cruz; she helps him still believe in love).

In any kind of relationship, we know we’ll have our rainy days. We’ll probably have to weather a storm or two. But as Laida and Miggy (Sarah and Lloydie) do it, may we just learn to go through everything together by sundancing it. After all, as it is also said “there’s sunshine after the rain”. As Lloydie learns from Sarah, may we also continue to believe in goodness and always have faith in love.



Share ko rin lang:

Lloydie’s Prayer:
“You know how special she is to me. God, please protect her. Please protect what we have.”



and we all say...----



B:to my newfound baldik-friends, you know who you are...weh...thank you!!!