1.3. Lloydie's Journal

Whew! It’s been a tiring week! We still have a few shots to finish and hopefully we’re done by next week. It’s been an exciting experience, acting with a great actress like Ate V. Also, with Luis around, it’s a good fun. And I’ve never been this happy. I thought this happiness was just an illusion on some people’s mind. But it’s true. This happiness is real.

She brings me this kind of happiness. Sarah inspires me to be a better man, at the same time to have fun being myself. Since I got to know her, my life indeed has changed. Haha --that has just made me laugh. I sound very much like Miggy. Yet it’s also true. Sarah has changed how I look at things now. I see everything from her eyes. Sometimes, I even find myself asking “how would Sarah think or feel about this?”. And look at me! I’m even writing about it.

Sarah said “happiness is a choice”. She’s right. We are the ones who can decide to be happy or not. But my happiness is more than a decision. I choose to be happy, yes, but I’m also inspired to be happy. I have peace of mind now. Lz and I are okay. We’re friends again, in a way. It was a good three-year-relationship while it lasted. I must admit, it was my fault. I thought we were okay being okay. But it was not okay, because we were not ok. At first, it was painful. I was still in denial. We were together for a long time after all. I’d been used to her being part of my life. I’m not sure when things started to change. I can’t even remember the last time we were happy, with just the two of us. And I think that had been our problem. We forgot to make each other happy. We took it for granted. And Lz is right. It was my fault. So, I think the only thing I can do now is at least make it up to her as a friend. So, we both can move on.

I’m smiling now as I write this. My friends, even those whom I work with, tell me I smile more now. Well, I just can’t help it. How do I explain it? It’s just there plastered on my face. I don’t also remember when I started smiling even to myself--parang abnoy lang-- haha. All I know is I like the feeling of being inspired and knowing that I’m also a source of someone’s inspiration. For now, this is okay for me. It’s not so complicated yet it’s a great feeling. Though, there are days that it’s not so enough. I miss her. I miss Sarah. More so now, because we’re both busy again. We hardly see each other. We text, we call, we chat—but it’s not the same with talking with her in person --I can look at her eyes. I love looking at Sarah’s eyes. I’m reminded that life is good, that the world is still full of goodness, and that love is real. Akala ko, di na’ko makakaramdam ng ganito.

I find it funny that it seems I’m back to being a high school kid--at my age! Just yesterday, I called Sarah and asked her where she was. She was in a recording studio. I told her, I was in the vicinity so I’d drop by. But the truth was, I was at home, way too far from where she was. But I couldn’t tell her that. She would not feel comfortable about it. I just had to see her. I went and brought her food. I was there for only an hour-- I had to rush for SMB. She was not coming. I was tempted to also stay. *sigh* So, this is how it feels like.

Right now, I’m waiting for the right time. I don’t want to jump into anything right away. I’d like to take my time. I’d like to spend more time with Sarah, but I’d also like to settle some things first so it’s fair to everyone. I’m taking my time now, because I see this thing I have with Sarah as forever. But I’m also wishing that today is the start of forever. Whew! I’m being mushy again. Much like my Greenwich commercial haha. I don't feel well, also tired. I’m gonna sleep now. But I’m still smiling.




B: wahahahaha!! i was doing something this afternoon when i suddenly heard Loydie talking in my head. Aha! I found his journal! i had to stop what i was doing and start listening to his voice. lagot ako! eavesdropping hahaha