Chapter II: 2.5. A piece of John Lloyd's heart

John lloyd took his time in walking. There was only a lonely house which was waiting for him that night.

Compared to other days, he felt he missed her the most today. He saw her again in ASAP.

He thought once he saw Sarah, he would be okay. He tried to convince himself. Just one look. He would be okay. But that was a lie. He missed her more.

He took a bottle of wine and a glass from a cabinet. He needed something to relax his nerves. He paused before the pictures on the piano, then took the stairs to go up to his room.

John Lloyd did not bother with the lights. There was the light coming from outside, pouring in through his bedroom window. That was enough for him.

He sat down on his bed, about to pour wine to his glass, when he saw it. It was a piece of paper. Even without looking, he knew what was written there.

“ There’s always sunshine after the rain. “

He kept all the notes that Laida gave to Miggy. That one was his favorite.

John lloyd put the bottle and his glass at his bedside table and took the note. He had read it more than a hundred times already, but he really didn’t get tired of reading it. It still never failed to bring a smile to his lips.

Minutes had passed but John lloyd stayed that way, not moving. Just looking at the note. Smiling.

He reached for his cellphone, and pressed a key to dial. His heart beating fast.

“Hello” a voice answered. John Lloyd smiled.

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Darn! Why do i find it easy to write about Lloydie?! :)

Chapter II: 2.4. His Mother’s Heart

She was just standing there. Staring at the pictures. Smiling at some of them. This was where she found herself right after she changed her clothes.

Mommy Aida and her husband, Daddy Chito went to watch ASAP live that Sunday. Her sister came with them. It was not their first time to see the show, but for Mommy Aida this Sunday was different.

She didn’t know if she would be happy or be sad to see her. The TV plug said that the princess was back. Sarah was back, and Mommy Aida had a chance to see her.

As a mother, she was not unaware of the changes her son had since he worked with Sarah in a movie.

She noticed that John Lloyd became happier. He smiled a lot. He would just literaly light up whenever he would talk about her. When he would say her name. Sarah.

Mommy Aida liked her. She liked her not for her son, at first. She was her favorite. She had a fondness for the girl. But when John Lloyd and Sarah did their first movie, it was inevitable that Mommy Aida fell in love with her.

Sarah was the girl any mother would hope for her son to marry. There were times that she almost directly told John Lloyd. But she knew her place. After all, it was still his son’s choice. So, all she could do was watch in the background and hope.; and keep little souvenirs. Just like the one she was holding.

She stared at the keychain in her hand. It was a souvernir from a movie that John Lloyd did a year ago. The fans gave it to them when they watched during the premier night. It was really not a concious effort on her part to keep it, but she put it in the box in their room. That was where it stayed , up until she opened that box earlier that evening when they got home.

The keychain had a picture of John lloyd and Sarah.

She sadly smiled to herself. She sighed.

She missed seeing them together.

It had been a year already, and Mommy Aida knew her son well enough to see that he was still struggling. John lloyd might be in a relationship, yet she knew her son. She knew his heart. Even if he didn’t talk about it.

Despite the fact that she never really asked, Mommy Aida knew that John Lloyd, her Idan loved a girl whose name was Sarah but he chose to be with someone else. A mystery even to Mommy Aida.

It was heartbreaking to see them all together that afternoon when they had their production number in ASAP.

Sarah, John Lloyd, and the girl he was with.

Mommy Aida watched how John Lloyd’s eyes followed her. She could see how much he wanted to go to Sarah but couldn’t. She could see the pain in his eyes, and the longing to talk to her. She could do nothing but just watch.

It was her son’s life. It was his decision.

Her husband elbowed her. Mommy Aida didn’t notice that she was starting to tear up. She looked at the floor, afraid she would embarass herself by really crying. She tried to compose herself. When she looked up, and there was Sarah coming toward them.

She was smiling.

This was not the first time they met. They had talked in several ocassions. And each time Mommy Aida saw her, a thought would pass her mind.

This is the girl I want as my daughter-in-law. The girl I want for my son.

Sarah said hi. Mommy Aida just hugged her tight. She missed her. She adored her.

It was a brief moment, but she was happy to see that Sarah had remained the sweet girl that she knew. She started to hope again that there was still the future for John lloyd and Sarah.

That hope brought her to where she was now.

She looked around. The place was tidy enough. She looked at the pictures at the piano. She again looked at the keychain at her hand. She was about to go when she heard the sound of a car.

John lloyd was home.

She hurried to open the door.

A surprise look registered at John Lloyd’s face. He wondered what his mother was doing in his house at that time of the night.

“Yes, mommy?” John Lloyd asked as he alighted from his car. He drove himself home. It was already late in the evening and he had come from a quick dinner with some of his old buddies, after ASAP.

“I was actually waiting for you. Have you had your dinner already?” His mother asked.

It had been almost two years since he started living on his own. Though his parents’ house was just across to where his house was, still it felt different. He had been used to times like this, when his parents would wait up for him. His mother especially. But that was also the reason why he decided to move out. With his kind of work, schedules were very erratic. He didn’t want his parents to worry. Also, he knew he needed the privacy. His parents could be the most intuitive individuals on earth. Though they would not ask him directly, there were those looks that they would often threw at him.

“I’m okay.” He replied. “Is everything ok? Are you okay? Why wait up?” Worried tone in his voice.

“Nothing, i just thought I’d wait for you.” Mommy Aida smiled.

“It’s late already. Aren’t you tired yet?”

“I was about to go when you got here.” She explained as she went inside the house again, with John Lloyd following her. She went straight to the refrigerator and poured a glass of water for him.

John Lloyd was now seated in the couch in the sala, looking exhausted. His eyes closed. Mommy Aida let a few seconds pass before she approached him with the glass of water. He looked up. John lloyd saw the glass. He also saw a question in his mother’s eyes.

“Why are you here really?” He asked.

Mommy Aida let him drink first before she said anything.

“You’re tired. You should get some rest. I’m going now.” She said as she walked toward the door.

“Wait, mom. I’ll walk you home.” John Lloyd stood and got his keys.

Mommy Aida smiled at him. They walked in silence. They reached the gate of his house. She looked at her son and said,

“You can always tell me if you miss her."

He continued walking.

"Son, please follow your heart”

John Lloyd looked at her mother. He had no reply to give.

He also didn’t think his Mom was expecting any answer. He looked at the skies. There were few stars that night. He sought the brightest, the one which was always there.

Others called it the North star. John lloyd called it by a different name.

He called that star Sarah.

He walked his mother home in silence.

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aaaahhhh!! I used flashbacks, i had to. I had a hard time writing about her. I guess i'll have to be a mother first before i could write how a mother really feels... Thank you for reading anyway. :)

Chapter II: 2.3. John Lloyd's home

“So how was it?” Daddy Chito asked John Lloyd.

”How was what?” he innocently asked in return. He just knew his dad was asking about the rehearsal.

“You want me to spell it out for you?” His dad managed a smile.

“How was it seeing Sarah again?”

John Lloyd put down on the table the glass of water he was holding and looked at his dad.

“I’m your dad, you’re my son. I know your heart. I can see it.” Daddy Chito continued.

“Dad, it’s too early to be having this conversation. Mom’s not even up yet. And why are you here?” John Lloyd tried to avoid his father’s question. His father seldom visited him in his house.

“I wanted to talk to you. To see if you’re alright.” His dad explained.

“And don’t change the topic. How is she?”

John lloyd took a deep breath and drank again from his glass. Daddy Chito looked at him and waited.

“She’s good. She looks great." He said after awhile.

"How did you know? What gave me away?”

His dad sadly smiled at him. “I’ve always known that you love her. You can’t stop smiling when you talk about her. You built this house and the first thing that you brought in was your picture together.”

They both glanced at the photo frame of him and Sarah that John Lloyd placed on top of the piano. That had been there since he started living in his new house. That was August, the year before last. There were other photos there too. There was one with his family. A couple of shots from his photoshoots and his old movies. But that picture of him and Sarah was really special. It was from a scene from the music video they did for the movie themesong.

That day started cranky for him. He almost had no sleep at all because he had a taping the night before. They almost got into a traffic accident because of an irresponsible driver. So by the time, John Lloyd made it to the studio he was not in the mood already.

Sarah was there. She smiled at him as she said “Good morning.”

They changed their clothes and started the shoot. Sarah looked really pretty in red.They were standing together, dancing. John Lloyd was still feeling cranky though, when Sarah whispered.

“You okay? Smile for me please. Uy, smile na yan.”

He looked at her and felt his smile start from his heart all the way to his eyes and lips.

That was something that never happened to him before. It was a new but beautiful experience. And he had a picture of that moment to remind him of that special day.

The picture brought him back to the present. His dad was asking about Sarah.

“What shall I do dad? I still love her. I’ve always loved her.” He looked at the ceiling when he said that.

He couldn’t really look at him. He felt embarrassed admitting it to his dad, when they both knew he was still in a relationship.

Daddy Chito put his hand at his son’s shoulder and squeezed it a little. He did not say anything for a full minute. When he talked again, it was a whisper.

“Idan, you’re my son. I believe you know the right thing to do.” Then he made his way to the door.

“Does mom know?” John lloyd asked his father’s back.

His dad turned around and looked at the pictures again, before he answered him.

“I saw her once just staring at that picture. Smiling.”

He opened the door, and went out.

“Hey dad!” John lloyd called. “Thank you.”

Daddy Chito poked his head out the door.

“You’re welcome son. And oh, we’ll be watching ASAP later. Sarah will be there right?” A wink, and he was gone.

John lloyd was left standing there. He looked again at their picture. He thought he kept his secret well, he was clearly mistaken. His parents knew it. He wondered if they also knew his other secret. He glanced at one of the closed doors and smiled.

It was Sunday morning. His favorite day of the week.

Chapter II : 2.2. Before the Promise of Love in Time

He was excited eversince he learned of the production number they were going to do. One week, and all he could do was smile. He would see her again, talk to her.

“Look at Idan. Is our son starting to get crazy?” John lloyd heard his father ask his mom.

He realized he must have looked like an idiot smiling while he just stood in front of their kitchen’s refrigerator. He even forgot what it was that he was getting.

“What is it son? Spill it out.” Mommy Aida teased him.

John Lloyd opened the two door refrigerator and got a bottle of soda.

“Don’t mind me, I’ve just remembered something.” He was still smiling.

These days, he was finding it hard not to. He would see her again. That was a contant thought.

“What are your plans tomorrow?” John Lloyd asked his parents. His mother had just celebrated her birthday two days ago, and he was thinking they must have planned another celebration, after all it was the weekend.

“Your mom hasn’t made up her mind yet. But we’re kind of thinking watching ASAP tomorrow.”

“In the studio, you mean?”

“Yes, it’s been awhile since we last watched the show live.” His father looked at John Lloyd directly in the eye. The look was searching.

John Lloyd avoided his father’s eyes, “Ok I’ll ask Kuya Pip to give you passes.” Drank the soda in his hand.

He didn’t notice the exchange looks his parents shared.

***

John Lloyd purposely came to the venue five minutes late. He was excited to see her, yes; but he knew it was wrong.

He was in a relationship. He was with someone else. For him to feel this way toward Sarah was not fair to his girl of the present. And it would only hurt Sarah. He had to remember that.

He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. He opened the door, and his eyes zeroed in on where she was, laughing with their friends.

“Oh God, I miss her!” He almost said aloud while he stood rooted where he was, just looking at her.

When he felt her eyes on him, he panicked. His heart did a somersault. It was just a quick look and her eyes were gone. His heart did a back flip.

There was that pain that he easily recognized for it had been his constant companion since he made a decision to stay away from her.

He noticed Billy motioning to him. His feet just carried him to where they were talking, to where she was. He could hear his own heartbeat.

“I have to go through this and come out alive, please.” He silently prayed.

Their friends were all smiling at him. Somebody said something, but he didn’t hear it. I have to say something. John lloyd thought.

“Hi guys! What’s up? Did you miss me?” He heard his voice croaked. He saw Vhong winked at him, that gave him courage to continue. “I miss you guys!”

He looked at Sarah. And he thought, I miss you.

She was gone for a month for her series of concert in Europe. Before that, there was very little chance to actually see her. Much less to talk to her. Now, she’s here again. She looked beautiful. Radiant. Almost glowing. She smelled nice.

“Wow ha, as if you’ve been gone long." John lloyd heard Iya said. He didn’t realize that he was just staring at Sarah the whole time. He felt a little embarrassed.

As conversations among friends would usually go, there was no awkward silence after that. He was glad his friends were there. Their friends. He never really explained it to them except to Luis, but they chose to honor his silence about the matter.

Their choreographer approached them and asked them to warm up. Luis came a few minutes later, as he came from his Myx taping. There started another bouts of laughter when they teased Luis about really coming from a date with Jennelyn. John Lloyd would steal a look at Sarah from time to time as she laughed at their jokes. He would come up with so many funny stuff, just so he could hear her laugh.

It was heaven to see her smile.

The routines for the production number were hilarious. They exchanged ideas. They were among friends, so John Lloyd felt comfortable.

Sarah must be feeling that way also. She would tease him from time to time. She laughed when Billy teased them when John Lloyd forgot a step and held Sarah’s hand, instead of pushing her away.

This must how heaven feels like in replay mode. John lloyd said to himself. To be with her, and see her smile at him and at their friends. He could feel his heart give a happy beat, only to feel another one when he saw her looking at him. Happiness. He wanted to bottle this moment and take it home with him.

It was a three hour rehearsal, but John Lloyd felt it was so short. He was enjoying the time spent with Sarah, even just through the excuse of doing a production number.

Then it was time to go.

She was the first one to leave. He wanted to go after her, but couldn’t.

It was not time yet. He promised not to get her confused, at least for now. He promised her parents. That was the only thing which was stopping him from actually following her and telling her how much he missed her.

That, and the fact that he chose to be with somebody else.

It was a wrong kind of relationship, he knew that. Luis even told him that he was only hurting himself. Not that he didn’t like Sheena. She was cool. And John Lloyd really thought that he could forget Sarah because of her.

It was late when he realized that some things never go away just because you will them to. He was already in a relationship with a girl he liked, but he couldn’t love nor promise forever.

And he already hurt Sarah.

“Uy, habol tingin.” Billy teased him. John Lloyd just smiled. Nikki and Iya raised their eyebrows.

“Really guys, I cannot understand your thinking sometimes.” Complained Anne. “Why do you choose to do the things that you do when clearly you feel otherwise?”

“O debate na ito.” Vhong said loudly, who gave a silent pat at John Loyd’s back.

Luis was just looking at John Lloyd. He looked at him. They understood each other. He would need a friend to talk to tonight, if he wanted to remain sane and not go to Sarah’s house and declare how much he loved her.

Not tonight. Not yet.

He made a promise.

For now he had that Sunday to look forward to, when he would see Sarah again.

He felt his heart came to life with that thought.

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It's been a looooong time since i last invaded John Lloyd's thoughts. I missed writing about him. :)

Their love story continues...

Chapter II

2.1.

After a Dream of Forever Love

She never really got over it.

Yes, her life continued. There were so many projects after that movie. Concerts abroad and a whole year Philippine tour. Commercial shoots. There were a lot of things that got her busy, even a short attempt in dating. But always, there was that nagging voice shadowing her and telling her it was far from over. At least for her.

Sarah got up from bed that early morning feeling like there was a big drum roll of a concert happening in her own heart.

Today was going to be specially difficult for her.

She was afraid of the thought that she would see him again. See him with another girl. The girl he chose to be with, instead of her.

How long had it been?

A year now, since she made a decision to not follow her heart.

Her heart knew she loved John Lloyd. There was no chance to take the thought nor the feeling back. Sarah admitted to herself that she had fallen in love with the guy who had been her charming leading man, even before the fear of falling for him could warn her of possible pain.

It was the day he gave her that pair of slippers. She looked at them, and she saw his heart.

But she was young.

She was afraid.

As much as she wanted to take the risk, she was not confident enough of her worth.

Sarah tried. She did try. She let him know in her own little ways that John Lloyd mattered to her. That his gestures of loving her and taking care of her were never unimportant nor unnoticed. But he never said anything. He didn’t say a word.

He just loved her and made her feel really special.

It was a torture to her patience and to her heart. She wanted to him to tell her what was happening between them.

She wanted him to ask her.

In her heart of hearts, Sarah wanted John Lloyd to tell her he loved her.

She couldn’t ask. No confidence to do that. After all, she thought “So what if he loves me? Can I love him back? Am I worthy enough? Am I ready to be his girl?”.

Things happened so fast.

It was a like she was thrown in a whirlwind. She just wanted to know how John Lloyd felt, that she tried dating another guy and see how he would react.

It was just one date.

A date that changed everything.

John Lloyd stopped calling. For a long time he would call even just to say “Good morning”. That stopped.

She wanted to ask why. Sarah wanted to ask if the idea of her dating was not okay with him. But she didn’t have enough courage to do that.

He probably didn’t love her. That she just imagined it.

Few weeks later, she learned he was dating a girl from the same show they were part of.

Her heart died its first death the day she saw them together.

That happened many times, that she learned how to act tough. There was no way she would allow him to know that he hurt her. However, her heart would experience slow death each time she would see him. See them together.

Today was one of those days.

They would be performing in one production number. The would have the rehearsal today. She had to calm her nerves and prepare her heart for the onslaught of emotions she was sure would come.

She readied herself. Her last emotional thought was “He doesn’t love me. He never did. And he’s no longer important to me.”

“Sarah, we missed you!” said Iya, one of her friends in the show.

“It feels like you’ve been away for like a year instead of just a month!”

“yeah, that’s how i feel also. I’m happy to be back.” Sarah kissed Iya on the cheek. They were at the rehearsal studio now. She could see some had arrived early.

“Oy, Sarah. Where’re our pasalubongs?” That’s Anne, smiling towards her. Behind her was Vhong. They had just entered the room.

They excitedly talked about her trip in Europe. Anne shared her experiences also, while Vhong teased her about being always on a trip and leaving him to host Showtime. When Nikki and Billy came in, the topic went from commitment to friendship to commitment in love as they all greeted the couple who was celebrating their three years together.

They were having a good laugh when Sarah’s eye caught John Lloyd who had just quietly entered the door.

Their eyes met.

But out of long habit of avoiding him, her eyes looked elsewhere.

“Here’s Lloydie. Wow, I’m excited to do this prod!” Billy signaled John Lloyd to join them.

“Hi guys! What’s up? Did you miss me?” John Lloyd smilingly asked his friends. He looked at them, but his eyes settled on Sarah’s as he said:

“I miss you guys!”

There was a few seconds of pregnant silence. No one said anything. Everybody just smiled. Until Iya chose to crack it.

“Wow ha, as if you’ve been gone long. “ She said, laughing at John Lloyd’s greeting. “We just saw each other the other day, funny Lloydie.”

Then, they started another topic and a few more rounds of laughter before their choreographer asked them to get ready.

Sarah felt relieved. He was alone. Her heart survived.

They had the rehearsal. She would always be grateful to their friends for being there, when things would have probably been awkward if it was just the two of them.

When it was time to go, she hurried. Her heart beating fast. It’s over.

She had to remind herself that. Tomorrow would be another day. At least today, her heart survived. Her pride made it.

She chanced a last look. Her eyes automatically sought John Lloyd’s. He was intently looking at her.

His eyes were telling her something.

Her heart skipped a beat.

Sarah wanted to go back and stay, but resisted. She waved goodbye to everyone, and left.

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John Lloyd's part... Before the Promise of Love in Time

Thank you Baldiks ..and thank you Sarah and John Lloyd for allowing me to shadow you and share in your love for each other. :)