Chapter V: Brain Freeze and Ice Drop

5.1.

A month had passed.

Topic of Sarah and why she suddenly quit was still a random part of everyday conversation. The whole country was altogether shocked and bewildered. She was at the top of her career. There were different speculations. Some said she was pregnant. But with whom? She was not seeing anybody. So, people doubted and the pregnant issue started to die down. Her parents and management kept mum about Sarah’s reason and whereabouts. Only a letter was read that Sarah asked for an indefinite leave for health reason, but no specifics were mentioned.

John Lloyd wondered but he did not ask. He made his decision. He already said goodbye. He chose not to be part of her life anymore. He was not--would not be affected. His heart was dead.

“Have you heard from Sarah?” Luis asked him.

He shook his head and made himself busy with his cellphone.

“I heard she’s in China.”, continued Luis.

“And sick.” Randolph said behind them.

Luis and John Lloyd looked at him. Their show ended and others had already left. Apparently, Randolph opted to hang around a bit.

“What do you mean?” John Lloyd couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“That’s as far as I can tell you. I made a promise.” Randolph shrugged his shoulders and left.

John Lloyd was frozen at his seat for a full minute before he suddenly grabbed his bag and ran outside, leaving Luis who could only call after him.

***

It was not his first time in China, but John Lloyd was feeling lost even before the plane landed in Guangzhou.

When he heard that she was sick, he felt numbed and cold. Then, he went through all kinds of emotions. Anger and pain were the loudest. He did not think. He could not process. He only knew he had to see Sarah. So he drove to her house and begged her brother for her address.

He only had a bag with him. An address in hand and a heart full of fears.

The airport’s taxi brought him to Sarah’s apartment. He paid the driver. The Chinese driver said something in broken English but John Lloyd was out of the taxi, and not paying anymore attention. He ran towards the hall and looked for the elevator.

His felt his heart lodged somewhere in his throat.

“Come on!” John Lloyd said impatiently.

He pushed the button again, willing the elevator to come faster.

The elevator was empty. He rushed inside. It was the longest 15-second-elevator ride in his life.

***

Sarah was alone. She stood beside the window of her apartment looking out at the other buildings outside. Her decision to go to Guangzhou was sudden, but she never regretted it. Only few peple recognized her here.

It was not easy leaving everything behind but it was necessary. It was what her heart needed.

Her work was breaking her. Her heart was not strong enough.

She stiffened. A familiar onslaught of emotion made her dizzy.

Never a day would pass by that she would not go back and hear John Lloyd’s last words to her. Each time she remembered, she was reminded she still had her heart, beating but dying.

She slowly sat down, and willed herself to think of happy thoughts. Doctor’s advice. Some days she could almost do it. Most days, she just froze her mind.

Sarah closed her eyes and thought of an icedrop.

“Brain freeze.” She kept repeating the words to herself.

The doorbell rang.

Sarah wanted to ignore it but it was so persistent. Lazily she went to the door and looked at the door monitor at her left. She was not sure how her heart survived it, but there he was. John Lloyd was just outside her door.

She closed her eyes. All those brain freeze exercises finally made her crazy, she thought. She was now having hallucinations. She would have to think of a different exercise, she planned.

She opened her eyes again. John Lloyd was still there.

Her world stopped.

Another ring brought Sarah back to her senses. With trembling hands, she turned the doorknob and opened the door. She was not ready for the anger that met her.

“What the hell is your problem?!” John Lloyd shouted.

“I’m not ---“ Sarah didn’t know what to say.

“And why can’t you live in the first floor? Why does it have to be in the 7th?!”

John Lloyd barged in, put his bag down on the floor and faced her. He was ready for a fight. She was not.

“Well, come in.” Sarah attempted a smile.

“What is wrong with you Sarah? What were you thinking?!” His tone was not amused. Sparks of anger shooting out of his eyes.

“Icedrop.”

“What?” John Lloyd suddenly looked bewildered.

“Icedrop. I was thinking of icedrop before you came.” Sarah explained.

Nothing made sense to her. Why was he here? Didn’t he say goodbye already? Why the anger? She felt lost. The only thing that made sense was the thought of icedrop.

“I was thinking of going out to buy icedrop. I’ve been dreaming of it since last week.” She rambled on.

“I just don’t know where to buy. There’s a ministore downstairs, they probably have it. Do you think it would taste the same?” She couldn’t stop talking. She was afraid to stop.

John Lloyd looked at her. And with no warning, he took quick steps and closed the short distance between them.

He pulled her towards him.

“Let’s go down---“

“Shut up.” He said, kissed her full in the mouth, effectively stopping her from uttering another word.

It was not their first kiss. But it was their first real kiss.

Sarah’s world went spinning.

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Happy dreaming in the world of icedrop and kisses.
In my head, I can see the scene after the kiss, but i'll let you imagine first. *wink*

Chapter IV: Yes, Heart pains and Goodbyes

4.1.

Until The Last Goodbye.

It was raining that morning. The day was cast with darkness. John Lloyd felt a painful tug at his heart, somehow warning him that starting that morning, nothing was going to go right. Not that day. Not in his future.

Finally. It’s over. He was not going to hope or think of her anymore. John Lloyd made that decision. He chose to forget that one time he believed in true love. He chose to erase Sarah in his life. In his future. He was going to move on. He was not going to think about real dreams nor attempt to hope for them. Period. End. Finito.

It had been a week since his last call to Sarah.

The calls had been regular for months. Mostly, it was an innocent hi and hello, and how are you. He tried not to expect anything. Not even after his break-up with his former girlfriend. It was Sarah’s choice. There were times when he would attempt to introduce the topic of dating, she would laugh it off and change the topic. One time, she even abruptly ended the call, with the excuse that she had to go to bed early that night. After that, John lloyd stopped trying. He just enjoyed whatever it was they had. Until, a week ago.

He saw her talking to another actor. They were in the dressing room of ASAP, talking seriously. When they saw him, they suddenly stopped. The other actor left. John lloyd did not say anything. Sarah nervously smiled at him.

Since then, he did not make any calls.

He decided as he pressed the keys, the call he would make now would be his last.

“Hello.” It was a hesitant voice at the other line. Sarah’s.

John Lloyd closed his eyes for a few seconds before he said what had been a script in his head. He had to make it right.

“I have something to tell you. I don’t wanna say it through just a phone call. But I know, you won’t agree to meet, so—“.

Sarah interrupted him. “It’s okay. Let’s meet.”

John Lloyd was silent for a few seconds. He couldn’t make out what Sarah said. He was not ready for that. Finally, he said ok. They set the time and place.

***

He opened the door for her. He offered a few options where they could talk but Sarah said his car would be better. He parked at the farthest corner of the ABS-CBN car park.

The car was filled with a pregnant silence. Neither of them was brave enough to break it. John Lloyd was just looked outside, seeing nothing in particular. He could hear Sarah took several deep breaths beside him. He looked at her. She started to say something but stopped. Another deep breath. Long silence again.

“You want me to start?” John lloyd asked. His mind now ready, almost. His resolve, wobbling but remained intact.

Sarah took a quick glance at him then nodded. Her hands at her lap, holding her cellphone.

“Thank you Sarah, but I don’t think we can be friends anymore.” John Lloyd said. His voice with a note of finality.

Those were the last words he said while he was alive. He felt he breathed his last. His world stopped.

John Lloyd remembered only vaguely what followed. Sarah said something incoherent. Cleared her throat and said “Thank you.” Next thing John Lloyd knew, she was out of the car and walking towards her van.

A week later, he heard she did not renew her contract in ABS-CBN.

The week after that, Luis told him Sarah decided to quit showbizness for no clear reason.

***

4.2.

Shattered hope

Her heart was weak. Her doctor advised that she take full rest. Or it could be fatal.

Sarah had been experiencing pains in her chest. The most recent happened during her commercial shoot with Randolph. She was secretly rushed to the nearest hospital. Randolph was with her. He heard what the doctor said. She asked that he keep it to themselves.

It was a month ago.

Earlier that day, he kept convincing her to tell her parents or at least tell John Lloyd. Randolph was aware of the special friendship that she shared with the actor. He told her it would be much better to share her burden. She was not ready yet. She was afraid that once she told someone else, it would be real. That was when John Lloyd found them arguing. Randolph did not push the issue and just left.

A week later, John Lloyd called Sarah to talk.

Sarah decided she was ready now. She was still fearful, but John Lloyd would be there for her. Even as just a friend.

She had been ready to say “Yes” to him, at least to dating him. But after his last invite, he did not say anything about it ever again.

She couldn’t blame him. When he said “Let’s date.” , she panicked and hung up. She waited for him to bring it up again in one of their nightly calls. He never did. Then, John Lloyd just stopped calling, until that rainy morning.

With her heart in her mouth, Sarah said yes. She would meet and talk to him.

The wholeday passed by in a blur. Her insides, churning with nervousness. When she went inside John Lloyd’s car, her knees woobled and almost gave her away.

She could hear her heart. She looked at John Lloyd, and wondered if it was too loud that he could hear it also. He was quiet. She became more nervous, her hands felt clammy at her lap.

Sarah knew what she wanted to say.

That she was sorry. And she was thankful that he waited for him. She was ready to tell him that the doctor told her that her heart was weak. She was afraid. But she also wanted to say that her heart had been ready for him a long time ago. If the invititation still stood, she would say yes. And if he thought it was not unfair that he continue to love her, her answer was yes also.

She started to speak but her voice faltered.

“You want me to start?” John Lloyd spoke into the silence.

Sarah braced herself for what was to come and nodded.

“Thank you Sarah, but I don’t think we can be friends anymore.”

She was assaulted with the most painful blow she had ever experienced.

Sarah died that day. Her heart beat its last.




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at 2o'clock in the morning, i heard Sarah's yes and John Lloyd's goodbye.

Kasalanan ng K-movie yan hehe.