Chapter VI : Hearts in hoodies and Tortoises

6.1

“What do you want?”

“I want you to go back to the Philippines.”

“Not in the menu. What else?” John Lloyd grinned from across her.

He had been bugging Sarah what she wanted to eat for dinner since nine o’clock that morning. Now it was right after lunch. He had lunch with them. Not an unusual scene for more than three weeks now, eversince John Lloyd decided to occupy the apartment in the same floor where Sarah and her father were staying.

“I don’t want anything. Oh, I don’t want you here.” Sarah insisted. Again, her daily dialogue to John Lloyd.

“My choice, not yours. So, you want to go out? Let’s go to Macau! Let’s have dinner there.” He winked at her.

They once tried it. From Guangzhou, they crossed the border to go to Macau. They realized that Filipinos easily recognized them so they had to travel incognito, which made the trip all the more interesting.

John Lloyd particularly enjoyed the fact that he had to practically hug Sarah all through out the trip under their hoodies. The only times that they got separated were when they were seated at their table in one of the restaurants in Venetian hotel, and when each had to go to the comfort room.

That was their first time to go out on their own. And there had been no second time yet. Today, John Lloyd just burst it out that he wanted to dine out.

“Come on, Bebeko. We’ve been boring ourselves in this apartment for like forever now. Let’s go out again.”

“Don’t call me Bebeko.” Sarah parroted herself. Part of their everyday argument was that John Lloyd just put it to his heart that they had a relationship, and she was his bebeko.

“Of course you are.” Another good looking grin.

“Of course, I AM NOT. And no, I don’t want to go out and have dinner with you. I’m perfectly fine where I am. Not bored here. Since you’re bored, go home already.” Sarah kept her arms around her.

John Lloyd reached out and tickled her knees.

“Stop it. I’m serious here. Go back to the philippines.”

“don’t want.”

“You do. You have to.”

John lloyd didn’t argue back as he usually did. After a moment, he asked in a serious tone.

“Why?”

“Why what? Why, you have to go back home?”

“Why do you keep on pushing me away?”

“I’m not. Your work is there. Your family too.”

“I’ve already explained to you that I’m on a two month vacation, so no problem with work. My family is ok with this. So, what is the problem, really?”

Sarah had no argument ready. How could she explain how she really felt? How could she tell him her fears? That she was afraid to commit herself to him, especially now, she realized. She was not that confident of his feelings for her. What if it was just pity? Kindness being camouflaged in love? That he himself was also not sure, or aware of. He bid goodbye to her already. And he just sought her once he knew her situation. What if he regretted his decision? What if he just realized one day that he didn’t love her after all?

Just the thought of it brought a slight pierce of pain to her heart, that she winced.

“Are you okay?” John Lloyd was immediately at his feet. He held her hands. Worry etched at his face.

“I’m okay.” Sarah took a deep breath.

“Do you want to go to the hospital?”

“OA ha. I said I’m okay.” Sarah stood up, and walked towards the closed verandah. She needed the space away from John Lloyd so she could think straight.

Stop messing with my head. She almost said it aloud.

“I’m okay Idan. You heard what the doctor said. All I need is rest.”

One reason also why she was in China was a family friend recommended a good doctor there. As it turned out, he was really good. He explained to them her case. He said that through proper rest and right medicines, her misaligned valve could be cured, and she would be fit again in no time. No need for any operation. She could even go back to work. But, of course she had to change her old workstyle.

Her last scan showed improvements. She herself observed that she rarely had palpitations. Most times, she would even forget that she had a heart condition.

Today was not one of those times, though. Sarah could feel that her heart was in a race as she listened to John lloyd.

“ I want to be with you. What’s the problem with that? Why do I have to get hurt, just because I want to be near you?”

“I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m not pushing you away. I’m not---” She stopped what she was saying.

“Then, what are you doing? You never say why. You never explain. We just go around in circles.” John Lloyd looked at her intensely.

Sarah looked at him.

“Because I’m a tortoise. And I’m guessing I also need a tortoise in my life.” Sarah burst out.

Blank face from John lloyd.

“What?” Confused look this time.

“That’s my explanation. I’m a tortoise.”

“What kind of explanation is that?!”

“See! You don’t even know what I’m talking about.”

“What the?! Did you hear what you just said Sarah? I ask you why you’re pushing me away, and your answer is that you’re a tortoise.” John Lloyd looked annoyed now.

“Well, that’s all I’m gonna say.”

“Are you crazy?”

“No, I’m a tortoise.” Sarah insisted. Now, she could look straight at his eyes.

John Lloyd just looked back at her. Feeling helpless. After awhile, he stood up and went out of the apartment. Sarah guessed he would go to his own place.

Sarah gulped a big heap of air once he was gone.

She was finally able to explain her fears without revealing too much. It was his turn to figure it out. Even she couldn’t believe that she came up with that crazy explanation. That she was a tortoise.

Toirtoise could live more than a million years.

She heard that line in her favorite Japanese TV drama. She watched it a few times here in China. She loaned her DVD to John Lloyd.

“Tortoise lives the longest. And needs love that stays the longest. Not the kind that is fleeting.” The female character said. Sarah had never forgotten.

She was a tortoise. She needed a love that could promise forever.

And it seemed that John Lloyd had not watched the DVD yet.

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Sorry guys, but she really is a tortoise. haha

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