Chapter XII : Candies and Choices

He stared at it while he cursed his own stupidity for jumping to wrong conclusion.

On his hand was Sarah’s answer to his question.

“You only have two choices. If you choose one, you have to cross out the other. You can’t always stay in the middle. Let me know your choice when you’re ready. I’ll give you time to think about it. I’ll wait.” JohnLloyd handed to Sarah the folded paper when they were in China.

Now, they were back in the philippines. Back to their respective careers. And half of the paper was given back to him. Her choice. Her answer.

He realized that he failed her in so many ways. If she didn’t forgive him this time, he would not be surprised.

He promised he’d wait but he didn’t. He said he was worthy of the risk she would take but he flirted with another woman right before her very eyes. His reason for doing that seemed too childish now. And painful to her, he knew.

John Lloyd was still lost to his thoughts when his director went inside the tent. His personal assistant sensed that the two needed privacy so he went out.

“What’s up?” His director asked. Catherine had been her mentor since he entered showbiz, and she was one of the few people in the industry that he trusted. She knew everything about him from plain mischiefs to serious offenses.

He looked at her. He didn’t know where to start explaining so he just said what she already knew.

“I made a stupid mistake.”

“Sarah?”

He nodded.

She shook her head not anymore giving words to “I told you so” but that was what he obviously got. She had told him many times before to talk with Sarah. They did not really talk, that was John Lloyd and Sarah’s problem eversince, she told him. When things were okay, they just let them. When things became complicated, both of them cowered in the corner, afraid that the complications would be too much for them to handle together. They turned a blind eye to the issue, until things became okay again. It had become a cycle.

Catherine pulled a stool and sat down. John Lloyd sat down again.

“What do you plan to do?”

“Talk to her, of course.”

“What will you tell her?”

“Sorry, I guess.”

“How sorry are you?”

“What do you mean? “ He understood she meant something else with that question.

“Don’t take this the wrong way Lloydy. I believe that our being friends for a long time has earned me the right to tell you in your face what I think about you and your issues.”

John Lloyd could not help but smile. He was used to her frankness.

“You love her. You love Sarah. You want her yes. But have you ever asked if you are ready for her? That’s another commitment. Another relationship. In your record, it’s one relationship after the other.”

He made a sound of protest.

“Hey, no judgement here, my marriage failed after only 5 years. So, no judgement. I’m just telling you what I have observed. We’re friends after all.”

“So, you think something’s wrong with me?”

“Lloydy, you ask yourself instead what’s good with you. What can you offer? What kind of commitment can you offer a girl like Sarah? You think about it, have you ever been without someone?”

The answer was no. Trust Catherine to drive a truth and nail it. As far back as he could remember, eversince he started dating he was always in a relationship. If a relationship ended, a week or a month after a new one would begin.

“You do not rest Lloydy. You don’t give yourself a chance to get to know ‘you’ better. You just jump to the next available relationship. This time, it’s Sarah. And you will hurt her.”

He had no answer to that so he kept quiet.

“Well, this is all talk and just me being an A-hole. You may choose to listen or not, it’s up to you. Anyway, I’m here to discuss the new schedule.”

And just that, she turned 360 degrees ang changed the topic after creating havoc and confusion to his mind and world.

New schedule she said. Conflicts with some of their schedules. Next shooting day would be moved to the following week.

***

12.2

John Lloyd was parked in front of Sarah’s house. He came straight from his talk with his director slash friend slash tormentor.

He rehearsed in his head what he wanted to tell Sarah. How sorry and stupid he was. He chose not to call her on her cellphone. She deserved a good apology and a visit from him. Not an SMS nor a pathetic call from him.

He straightened and gathered his courage. He bit his lower lip. A habit that he acquired and often did when he felt tense. He opened his door and froze.

Randolph just came out of Sarah’s house. He didn’t notice John Lloyd’s car as he passed by, opened his car and drove away.

John Lloyd stayed frozen to his seat.

What was Randolph doing here at this time? He jumped when he heard his own voice. He realized that he spoke his thoughts aloud.

He remembered his PA asking him if he was aware of Randolph’s statement to the media about Sarah. That he missed her. He wanted to work with her again, in a movie this time. And that he wanted to take this chance now that Sarah was back to ask her out on a date.

John Lloyd did not pay attention to it at that time.

But Randolph came from Sarah’s house just now.

John Lloyd frowned. He closed his door. Randolph had probably not left the village yet.

He started the car and drove after him.

***

12.3

He saw Randolph’s car at the village gate.

John Lloyd stepped on his brake and let him leave. He had time to think and process things through while he was driving.

He realized that there was something so obvious that he missed.

Sarah had more than two choices.

He sat in his car as he rode the pain of that realization.

What his director said came to him.

***

12.4

“Is that John Lloyd?” Her mother asked.

Sarah’s heart skipped a beat. John Lloyd was standing by his car door, waiting for them to come out of their house.

“What is he doing outside? “ Her dad opened the car window.

“What’s wrong? Why didn’t you call first?”

John Lloyd still had his clothes he wore the day before, crumpled already. His eyes bloodshot.

“Good morning. I wanted to talk to Sarah, I was driving and I didn’t notice the time so...”

“You two talk. Fifteen minutes only, okay?” His dad turned to her mother.

“ Ma, I think I want to change my shoes. These don’t feel comfortable. Manong Romy...” With that, they both left the car with their driver and went inside the house.

John Lloyd got inside the car and faced Sarah.

“First, let me say I love you and I’m sorry.” John Lloyd told her. He tried a grin, but his lips trembled, giving him away.

***

12.5

Sarah decided not to breathe.

Last night, she was so frustrated with John Lloyd when he did not even call moreso see her after she gave him the locket. She went out of her shell and bared out her feelings for him but he just blew it to her face by his no-show-up, his n0-reaction.

Now, here he was telling he loved her and that he was sorry.

What’s the game anyway? It was starting to feel that way to her. That they were in a game that she was not familiar with, of which rules she was not aware of.

So, she did not breathe.

“I’m sorry for being the biggest fool you’ve ever met in your entire life. I’m sorry for not talking to you. Forgive me for hurting you.” John Lloyd continued.

“I wanted to ask you so badly, but I was afraid that your answer would be ‘NO’. Lame, I know but that’s the truth. I’m sorry, no other excuse except that one.”

“fool.” Sarah whispered.

“Yes, that I am. And you know what else? I’m selfish too. I realized it was unfair of me to give you two choices only. “

John Lloyd held Sarah’s hand.

“Of course, you have more than two choices. It is painful for me to accept that but I realized I cannot love you and box you in my world.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m telling you Sarah that you’re free to fall in love with another guy. I’m not your only choice.”

Sarah felt her heart jumped, fell hard, and hurt like hell. She was ready for anything but not this. Not John Lloyd telling her to go love someone else.

No, her heart was not ready for that.

“Why? Did you realize that you don’t love me enough to be with me?” She managed a croak. Her tears about to fall.

“Oh no, definitely not! I’m sorry, I was not very clear. Sarah, please know this. I love you and I have never loved someone as much. I doubt I ever will.”

“Then, why?---“

“I’m just letting you know that you have other choices. Mine, I’d made since that time that you leaned towards me and fixed my hair. There was no going back for me. But, Sarah, you have your own choices to make. I canot make them for you.”

“So, what will happen now?” She still felt bewildered. He was telling her he loved her but refused to have a relationship with her?

“Wait for me here.” He went out and was back in a couple of seconds with a pack of candies.

John Lloyd looked deep into her eyes.

“I just want you to consider your options first and be sure of your choice. You deserve the right to decide on your own terms, in your own time. Not pressured by anyone else, not even by me.”

He gave her the candies.

“As you are making sure of your choice, these will be your flowers from me.”

John Lloyd touched her face and gave her a tight hug this time.

***

12.6

John Lloyd already left.

They themselves had left their village in their car. Her parents did not ask about what she and John Lloyd talked about.

She was still reeling from it all. John Lloyd’s apology. His profession of love. Him giving her time to think and choose. His tight hug. And the pack of candies in her hand.

She opened it. She started to read the words in each of the candies. One after the other.

“Let’s have a date.”

“I love you.”

“I miss you.”

“Do you like me?”

“You were in my dreams last night.”

“Yes, I do.”

“You are my star.”

She realized each candy had a message in its wrapper.

She read the name of the candy.

CANDY’s Be LOVE

She smiled.

Sarah’s heart righted itself and beat again.

---------------

I've been acquainted to candies of different kinds the past few days, and got inspired by one candy in particular. So I used it in this chapter. :)

I wanted to take a picture but forgot. lol

Tell me what you think. :)